The Heavens and Earth

I'd like to start posting my creations here for a change since I'm using my sallylsmith blog for devotionals with photos.

I'd like to honor the Lord with my works and to do so, I will be naming each from a scripture inspiration.  This one is called

The Heavens and Earth

from Jeremiah 32:17

Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth

 by your great power and outstretched arm. 

Nothing is too hard for you.

I've used new crackle glass charcoal beads, vintage costume pearls and crystals, Czech glass gold faceted beads and vintage wood beads from an old rosary.  I'm placing it in my Etsy shop today.

Quandaries

Yep, I'm in a few quandaries now.  We've been in this five-bedroom, two bath, full basement and attic storage house plus a two car garage with workshop and rafter storage for 16 years now (17 in the same city) and we're moving to a 3 br, two bath, hard-to-get-to attic storage no garage, no basement house.  For the past years I've become a hoarder, yes, I admit it.  I've had to touch everything I've sorted and packed only to realize I don't have room in the house in which we're moving to even store the boxes I already have packed that rest in a storage facility at present.  That's not even half the problem.  We have to move into a donated, rented small 2 br, one bath one closet farm house (thankfully with a huge garage) until the house I mentioned first is cleaned, painted, re-carpeted and dry walled.  Everything has to go to storage or into the rented garage.  How do I plan for the things that are necessities for a month, two, three while we live in Rented Wonder?  Who knows?  I'm overwhelmed now and just want to eat chocolate.  Aaaarg!

Resignations

It's official.  We've resigned from our church.  Sadness. 
Things haven't gone as we had planned concerning our move either but we have discovered in times past that our plans are not God's plans.  His are much better so we just wait and watch what he will do.
I'm also resigned to the fact that I must now pack---everything.  I've been putter-packing a little here and there but now....it's different.  The trouble is that we will be in a temporary home for a few months, 2 or 3, until we clean and remodel a rental house that will be available for us on July 1.  That means I need only pack the essentials....hmmmm.  For a crafter, everything is essential.  One never knows when one will need a certain something.  I think the reality is hitting me hard that I will not have time to create for quite a while and I'm a bit disconcerted over that fact--wondering...What WILL I do?  I'm sure I will be very busy with the cleaning, etc. and, of course, there will be grandchildren around.  Silly me--I'll be busy, no doubt.  Still, the thought of not creating something for 2-3 months still weighs heavily on my heart.  There I go--not trusting God again.  I've got to start listening to the words of the VBS songs I'm learning--TRUST is the word of the week.

Half Empty

Yep,, that's me.  I don't mean to be negative but I've noticed that the negative response is usually what I make to almost everything.  I'm really a grateful person for: my husband, my children, my grandchildren, my house, my church, my friends, my pastor, my opportunities, my health, my family's health, my creative juices, my God-given abilities.  Yes, I'm a blessed woman.

Then, why am I so negative?  "I got tickets and the performance is at 7:30."  My response: "Wow, that's late."
"I made chocolate-covered strawberries but I forgot the milk."  MR: "I told you that you need to write down the recipe."
Now, why would I undermine him on those occasions of his generosity?  Am I one-upping him because I didn't think of those things to do?

I made a big coffee cake to freeze and take to our kid's house next week; I made bread for my "bread ministry;" I cleaned the house, I made jewelry to sell; I played for choir last night and got my music ready for Sunday; I sat in on an estate planning meeting yesterday;I packed boxes for the auction this week.  He didn't undermine me so what's going on here?  I've got to make an effort to be more positive and see if that changes my whole attitude on life.

Gloomy Day

I'm finding it difficult to do even the simplest things today.  I either drop what I pick up, lose what I've had in my hand or bungle whatever my hands find to do--not my best day.  I'm blaming the barometric pressure but I really think that it's because today makes three months since my sister's death.  I'm accepting it as "just a bad day" and tomorrow will be better.  It will be good to see my church friends tonight.

Early Rising Thoughts

I awakened early today.  I don't like to do that on Sunday--3:30's a bit early when I have to be at church from 6:30 to 12:00 something.  Still dealing with the pain of loss, crying, remembering and Christmastime doesn't help that.  Trying to think of a way to hold her memory--personalized Christmas cards for the family--don't want to be morbid--more joyful and hope-filled would be good.  Keeping this week for present wrapping, last minute shopping ideas and baking.  Family together, maybe not all at once but hopefully we'll see them all sometime during next week.  Will spend time with Bill's family Christmas day and my sister and her family mid-week, yes long trip but it's been a while since we traveled there--too long.  Hope to take care of my side for a change.  Death brings things into perspective.

Grief Is Debilitating

It's a good thing for Sunday for without direction, I'm a wandering child.
Monday I actually felt like creating something and made a pair of earrings for M--her birthday.   I couldn't remember how to make the feather earrings I wanted to make, though I tried four times, I just couldn't do it.  Creativity?--on hold.  I got ready to pick up M, went to lunch, shopped where she wanted and it turned out to be kind of fun, actually made supper and watched tv with Bill.

Tuesday, tried again with the earrings, no luck.  Made soup for D--brain surgery two weeks ago.  Took it to her, stayed a while, she's doing well, went home and found my tv, pleasantly zoned--tried to make myself feel justified, took auction stuff to auctioneers, soup supper and tv with Bill.

Wed. turned out to be the epiphany day.  I figured out how to make the earrings, made seven pair and two pair of fingerless gloves, took five pair of earrings and the gloves to S'More Couture, picked up my long-lost dress form and was commissioned to do about 10-12 flowers for A's client.  I went to GFS for food for church that night, prepared meal with MD, rehearsed at 6 and 7, tv with Bill.

Thurs. Not too disiplined today, feel tired, dusted LR furniture, cleaned bathroom, cleaned microwave, swept floors, updated blog, made myself a pair of earrings.  Now I want to eat lunch and finish a long-pending quilt for one of my grandchildren.  Maybe I'll feel I've accomplished something.  I'm keeping on keeping on.

Grueling Week

That's the best way to describe last week.  I got to NC on Monday afternoon.  Her husband had decided to donate her kidneys so we waited another four hours before removing life support--it was to that point and everyone was ready to let her go.  They gathered the doctors, the OR and the staff necessary in that four hours, removed the tubes, stopped the pacemaker.  She acted as if she was having another cardiac arrest, as described by my niece who was with her when the initial one happened, they administered morphine and she calmed down.  We waited...and waited...and waited.  One hour approached, passed and it was too late to use her kidneys because the oxygen levels were too low.  We waited another 28 hours until she left the confines of this world to enter the glories of heaven.  We all were so relieved for her.  Though sad, it was a blessing.  Her funeral was a tribute to a lovely, intelligent, faithful lady.  I'll miss her.  Even though we didn't see each other very much, we connected on face book, phone and by email.  Her daughter says this will change her lifestyle.  I'll be checking on that one and her brother.  Though they knew of their mother's faith, they did not live it themselves.  I do hope things will change for them and her husband.  "All things work together for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to his purposes."  I'm banking on that scripture!

In A Daze

I'm glad God is in control because I'm not.  I'm living life, doing the basics, getting ready for Bill to leave and for me to leave the next day.  Things are not going well with my sister and decisions will have to be made for her future--whatever that may be.  Prayers offered are welcomed.

Swirling--

and not the dance kind of swirling.  I so wanted to go see my sister today after her having had another cardiac arrest last Saturday.  Cost of airfare was too much for me--twice that of the ticket I purchased for my trip next week.  I chose not to cough it up, maybe the wrong decision.  My other sister has been the rock--again--and has been our strength in our family trouble times.  She took care of Mom and Dad while I sat back this long distance away wishing I were there to help.  It seems distance has always been the barrier.  It's been two years since I've even seen my sisters.  We connected over the past year on facebook, shared pictures and messages.  It was good
 She was about to retire from teaching--next year.  It has been "next year" for about three years now.  She won't have a choice now, if she makes it to retirement.  It's notable that God seems to bring things to a halt, make us take a good look at our lives and realize how negligent we've been with our loved ones.  Why does it take a tragedy to do this?  I don't like to talk on the phone and I'm super bad about not communicating with another, even my family.  My daughter is the one to whom I go every day (besides God) and it's mainly because she contacts me.  I'm happy with my hole in the wall doing my little "ministry things," such as they are.
Another thing I noticed about this happening in our family now--Bill's going to Senegal next week.  Why do the bad things happen the few weeks before such commiting trips?  The evil one has his hand in everything good and tries to stir up our faith.  He succeeds more than I'd like to admit.  I was expecting some warfare but nothing like this.  I was alerted to it during my Bible reading sessions and sermons from speakers and my pastor.  Everytime someone uses Psalm 23 in their messages, I take notice.  Last year about this time, Bill was diagnosed with prostate cancer.  I was actually getting bored with the number of times that scripture was being used--Tricia's Bible study, Joel's sermon, a visiting pastor's sermon, my daily email devotion(s)--and all during a two-week period.  This year was the same--and this happened. 
I am grateful to be here, though, and able to help my friend this week by taking her to therapy sessions.  I had committed this month to her and I've already had to break my commitment by making plans for next week.  She has many friends who can help but some of them are physically down now, too.  More church members are sick and I go back to the stirring of the "evil pot."  I just will not let him get me down.  My trust is in the Lord God Almighty.  He's the one who can make everything right.
I was so glad to see you, T, at church yesterday.  Your hug made my day.  Hearing and seeing A's new baby helped a lot, too.  Though it was difficult keeping my mind focused, I enjoyed the sermon and the music, plus we had two baptisms.  And I think I have it bad--one of those has to go back to Uganda and face her M husband and family.  Everything in perspective, I guess.  Spouting is over.  Working has come.  "Keep on keeping on" is the mantra for the day.  "Prayers and Thanksgiving"-- the order of the day.  Amen.

Pressure

Emotions are on the rise.  Friends and demands on my life are taking its toll.  Whenever I'm stressed, I spout.  Oh, I wish I wouldn't take things out on my DH--and I mean that d in the dearest sense.  He's had to bear the Wrath of Sally all these years, poor man.  I many times I don't solve the root of the problem, as my daily devotional pointed out today, and I wallow in uncertainties until I'm over the breaking point.  I must clear up a few pressure points so I can deal with the "real" pressures of life that are out of my control.  Fortunately they are not physically threatening and easily contained if I've given myself space to deal.  As a matter of fact, I'm looking forward to stress #1 and just need some time.

Needing Advice

"A" at the shop has accepted clothing from a new "seamstress."  She's awful.  I'm a self-taught seamstress and don't know the fine points of alteration but I'm a far cry better than the other one.  I'm really not jealous, I don't think, but I do want to tell A that she is greatly lowering her standards by having that stuff in the shop.  A seems oblivious to that fact that the other girl is so bad.  She says the girl is really nice, sweet, etc. and that she is thinking about possibly sharing the expenditures of the shop and relocating.  Maybe that's why she's accepting her clothes--probably.  She won't get customers, at least not the ones she's had before if that poor a quality of clothing is there.  Should I tell A what I think?  Should I just leave it alone because she will probably have to close soon anyway?  Should I stay with her and be associated with extra poor quality?  Should I just wait it out?  What do you think, T?--Hope you are much better today, T.

There's Got To Be Another Way

We went to the H2O revival last night--all 200 of us Christians.  There was an altar call--of sorts--and a few people responded and that's good.  He preached a heart-wrenching, emotion-driven sermon, though it was all over the place but basically about how we need to face our "demons" and get our lives in line with God's will for us. I'd say 60% of the people there were over 50 so he was preaching to the "saints."   He'd said he had ADHD and from his preaching, he was right.  He was all over the place--a sermon that could have been preached in 20 min that took him 1 1/2 hours.  Not looking forward to tonight.
Going to Irma's auction today--4:00-6:00, yes, 2 hours only.  We're going to help about 11:30 to set out the stuff.  H is in the hospital, doing better, but not enough to help. J, D and C will be there setting up and fixing lunch.  I'm thinking of staying for it and helping afterward.  They'll need extra help and maybe I won't have to go tonight to H20.  D and C could bring me home.  Just thinking.  Hate to leave Bill with it, but he volunteered to be a counselor so he has to go.
The ones for whom I've been praying in J's Operation Andrew prayers on Sunday are all young girls--I'm going to approach them one-on-one about becoming a Christian.  I think that's "another way."  There's no way a non-Christian would sit through a service like last night's, especially a child--he was pretty graphic in his description of his life before committing to Christ.  I'm so critical--It was not well-organized--just another MPBA event to put the faithful to the test, I guess.
Bill's getting a follow-up blood test today.  We're hoping all is well.

So Much Better

Things are so much better today.  The rain is gone, the sun is out and I'm wanting to create.  I even finished a dress (see it at  http://sallylsmith.blogspot.com/).  I'm so sad for my friend in the hospital, though.  It will be a long time for this friend to be right again-lots of prayers going their way today.

Down But Not Out

It's been a down day today and this afternoon hasn't proved any different from the rest of the day.  My mood is the same level as the barometric pressure--rain today.  The fact is, I've been giving so much lately that I'm all "gived-out."  I needed a day to do nothing, which I've had, but I feel guilty.  Now, what gives with that?  I feel I deserve a day off but since I really have "no job," I feel I still must do some work.  So...I put dishes in the dishwasher, put a roast in the crock pot, folded clothes, tried to do something creative (no such luck), cleaned out a filing cabinet drawer, made the bed, made lunch, washed some "creatin' fabric"--so after typing all that, I guess I really didn't to "nothing."  The afternoon's a downer because one of our church people tried to commit suicide and Bill, after just walking in the door, changing clothes and heading for his workshop, was sent to check things out.  Not only that, I was hoping we'd get to go to the show this evening--just the two of us, like a date or something.  But no.  Duty calls.  Sometimes I hate being a pastor's wife.  And...I'm angry instead of concerned about the person who is lying in the hospital.  They shouldn't have done that to themselves.  Now I really feel guilty.

Looking for Calm

Two funerals within a week has taken its toll on Bill and me.  We both need down time but the calls keep coming for Bill.  There's always a crisis with someone in a congregation of about 400--yes, that many.  Though only about half attend, Bill's on call for the whole 400 and some days it seems he gets that many calls.  He's meeting another crisis this morning and I'm getting ready, well, will be, to meet my cancer survivor friend.  It's always good to see her but I feel drained afterward.  I'm comfortable just being at home by myself but I feel compelled to reach out.  Hopefully, Bill and I will have a couple of days off tomorrow and Sat. without interruption.  Though the interruptions are just that, Bill thrives on being wanted.  Usually, if I'm left alone, I'm just fine.

A Weekend to Crash

Boy, the last two weeks have been stressful what with R's hospitalization, his being in hospice and brought home to die, his death last Sunday, getting M around while L went home to pick up family, visitation at funeral home, funeral and dinner (yes, even dinner was stressful.)  Bill and I have basically collapsed today.  I tried to work on another make-over skirt but I don't have the stick-with-it today.  I've culled old emails in my files, looked at blogs, magazines and cleaned some clutter today.  It's been nice.  I've got to contact my cancer-survivor friend to make plans for lunch for next week but have since found out Bill's aunt died and he's to do the funeral on Tues. morning which means a trip to St. Louis on Mon. afternoon late and then all day in St. Louis and back.  Yippee.  Life goes on at the Smith house.  Good thing for today.

Gone

R's gone to heaven.  M's exhausted, sad and overwhelmed.  It's been a very long two weeks for her--really two years.  The disease has gradually pulled him down and it's finally over.  The funeral should be on Friday and they are expecting all of their family. L's going home to wait for his wife, daughter and new grandbaby (if the pediatrician says ok.)  I'm waiting to see if she will need me to help her in the next couple of days to get ready for them.  She and L have a long day today planning the funeral and she will be alone on, probably, Tues and Wed--maybe most of Thurs, too.  Since Bill's illness at the first of the year, I'm more in tune with the possiblity of that kind of loneliness.  Though Bill's back to "normal" now, I'm not fearing his death, just realizing that life is so short and unpredictable.  But...life goes on so, "Bye for now."

Been Busy

M has needed me this week. (Thank you, Lord, that I've been able to rest up from our vacation.)  Things are not looking good for R.  I created three dresses for the shop on Monday  (not looking good there either), made supper for church, lunch for M, visited with M many times this week, shopped for felt and hand-dyed it to enhance the colors.  I'm making Fall Flowers to put in Relics.  It feels good to create after four days.  Off to bake bread to take to M--flowers come later.

Home!

We're finally home after a 10-day vacation to see kids and grands.  Very fun.  Very tired.  Today we have a 9 o'clock joint brunch and worship session where we'll hear stories of some of the mission trips taken this summer.  Speedy Gonzales hit the floor running today, anticipating the "big day."  I, on the other hand, was awakened at 6:15 with SG saying, "Come on.  I want to be there at 7:30 'cause J will be there then." 
"Huh, what time is it?" Short time of pulling myself out of bed.  Thinking.  Saying, "Is there any reason why I have to be there at 7:30?"
"Oh, well, I guess not.  I just thought we'd go together."
Thinking.
"I'll be there later then." Begging off.  Wishing for an easing back into our crazy lives. Guilty because I probably could help some people there but I really don't want to.  Not SG.  Jump into anything with dress shirt and khakis.  Life is good......wish I shared his enthusiasm today.  Nope.  I'll be there later.  I'll help clean up.  Will that satisfy God today?  I hope so.
He left at 7:00.  Rarin' to go.  Ummph galore!
Whew! 
Gonna do some easing.