Friday, September 9, 2011
Down But Not Out
It's been a down day today and this afternoon hasn't proved any different from the rest of the day. My mood is the same level as the barometric pressure--rain today. The fact is, I've been giving so much lately that I'm all "gived-out." I needed a day to do nothing, which I've had, but I feel guilty. Now, what gives with that? I feel I deserve a day off but since I really have "no job," I feel I still must do some work. So...I put dishes in the dishwasher, put a roast in the crock pot, folded clothes, tried to do something creative (no such luck), cleaned out a filing cabinet drawer, made the bed, made lunch, washed some "creatin' fabric"--so after typing all that, I guess I really didn't to "nothing." The afternoon's a downer because one of our church people tried to commit suicide and Bill, after just walking in the door, changing clothes and heading for his workshop, was sent to check things out. Not only that, I was hoping we'd get to go to the show this evening--just the two of us, like a date or something. But no. Duty calls. Sometimes I hate being a pastor's wife. And...I'm angry instead of concerned about the person who is lying in the hospital. They shouldn't have done that to themselves. Now I really feel guilty.
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Sally, my heart goes out to you. You do indeed need a break, and you do give way more than most folks. It is OK to feel "gived out". You have earned it. Today's weather was a bummer as well, I too felt depressed and felt that I should be doing more even though I was already busy. Probably the low barometric pressure more than anything.
ReplyDeleteKind of a dumb question, but does Bill have to respond to all these crisis events? We have two other pastors and a group of elders who can respond as well.
There is nothing wrong with being angry at the person in the hospital. This person messed up your evening, Bill's evening, probably a ton of friends and family's evenings as well. My first wife committed suicide, and in doing so pretty much destroyed me, our children, her parents, and many, many others. I grieved (and sometimes still do) but I was also angry, and justifiably so. Please don't feel guilty at being angry. You are a fine person, a good Christian, and an inspiration to many. You did not take that person who tried suicide by the hand and tell him to do it. It is not your fault.